Or rather I don't care if I am again or not.

Oh, relax I'm not having an absolute break down. This is actually a good thing. At some point in high school I started feeling like garbage because no one liked me. Such a pitiful state I was in *shakes head*. I guess I was starting to feel the same way after my rather retarded break-up with Mar'Queal (hell, you all now who is already anyway ^_^). Ya know, I suck. It's all my fault. No one will ever love me, blah, blah, blah.

Then one day as I was crusing down the street with the radio blasting in my ear and that Good Charlotte song came on "I Don't Wanna Be In Love". It's really pretty freakin' catchy, but I digress. I was listening to this song and I asked myself "when the heck did I become so afraid of being alone?". Hell I was an only child for 12 years. Most of my childhood I had like one friend. I like working by myself, so why am I so concerned about just being with someone.

I have to learn to be happy by myself. That's what my problem is. I forgot how to be happy on my own. Well you can bet your ass I'm gonna reeducate myself. To be honest with you, I feel better now than I have in YEARS *yeah I said I'm happy Nae so there ;P*

There's no pressure to please in anyone. No pressure worrying about whether I'm being a good little girlfriend (I'll be damned if I make a fool of myself like that again cuz I was a damn good girlfriend >.<). I'm just free to be me the way that I am.

And who am I?

I'm a nerd. I like anime. I like dressing up in costumes. I like synthetic dreadlocks. I like gothic and rave fashion. I like classical music. I like music. I like dancing (no good at it tho ^_^) I like to eat. I like the Bengals (better than the COWBOYS so THERE! lol).

I am happy to be myself. So right now I don't wanna be in love. I'm too in love with myself ^_^

SO my grandma is no longer in a coma! Just goes to show that doctors are NOT God, despite all common misconceptions (still waiting on that Bird flu pandemic...)

They started dialysis on her Thursday. Docs removed 11lbs of waste from her body. Can you believe that?

Also turns out that she didn't have one massive stroke, She had several small stroke and had, apparently, been having these mini-strokes for several weeks now. The culprit, sky-high blood pressure. (That stuff is serious. You got a loved one with it, I suggest you haul their ass to the doc and make sure that it STAYS in control.) The mini-stroke therory explains her behavior before she went into the hospital. Her friends had been saying she didn't want to be bothered with anyone and she stayed shut up in the house (and my grandma had never been a home-body). Her mind wasn't right, but no one could have guessed that all that was going on.

The best part of this whole thing is that she's awake and trying to talk! She remembers her name. Doesn't know how old she is tho (told the nurse she was 36, lol). When my mom was leaving to come back to Memphis she told her she loved her and my grandma said "I love you.". My aunt called us yesterday and said she was asking for me. For me! Can you believe it? She remembers me! She thinks I'm still a little kid tho (My aunt told her I was coming and my grandma asked her if I had to cross the street). She also remembers my cousins, her other grandchildren, to which my aunt replied "how is it that you remember your grandkids but you can't remember your own child?"

Lol.

Well I'll be going to Ohio on Thanksgiving Day.

Greatest. Gift. EVER!